Night-time run, luxurious and needed. How inspiring a street-lit metaphor can be... running with my shadow's frame in front, still striving forwards and apparently strong regardless of how different I feel inwardly at times. Christmas is particularly difficult if you find yourself/selves without the loved ones that have created the very definition of this celebration. I read a really helpful article today (hang on while I get my pink notebook) written by Victoria Milligan in the Times that refers to this very abject feeling. One year on despite losing her husband and daughter in a tragic accident in Padstow she too strives forwards regardless of the huge loss she and her family feel. Read on, this helped. Victoria's words completely expressed how I feel at this time: "everything I do makes me realise what I have lost. There is so much family tradition that each action triggers another memory [...] last year I couldn't even contemplate getting a tree"... tricky...card, gifts with namesakes upon further stapling the loss making one feel "desperately sad [...and therefore...] emphasising what I am missing." Yes, a few tears have been shed for those we/I cannot have back, still. Grief has no limit. So the question was this 'What if you don't find comfort of joy this Christmas?' her response in short: "I am going to enjoy each joyful moment [...] I am going to live in the present", me too Victoria. Further advice: don't try to be too strong, it is sad and you miss them. It is appropriate to feel like this, especially at this time where there are grief triggers everywhere and much emphasis on family. Christmas will not be the same but it can still be full of JOY and this IS what your lost loved ones would want it to be. Thanks so much to Victoria Milligan and Love to those of you, that like myself, feel a little lost at Christmas. It's ok, there is joy, love and momentous laughter...after all I just ran past a flashing green lit-collared pug...X