Hope you had a beautiful Christmas wherever you are...x

Love, that is all...X

Night-time run, luxurious and needed. How inspiring a street-lit metaphor can be... running with my shadow's frame in front, still striving forwards and apparently strong regardless of how different I feel inwardly at times. Christmas is particularly difficult if you find yourself/selves without the loved ones that have created the very definition of this celebration. I read a really helpful article today (hang on while I get my pink notebook) written by Victoria Milligan in the Times that refers to this very abject feeling. One year on despite losing her husband and daughter in a tragic accident in Padstow she too strives forwards regardless of the huge loss she and her family feel. Read on, this helped. Victoria's words completely expressed how I feel at this time: "everything I do makes me realise what I have lost. There is so much family tradition that each action triggers another memory [...] last year I couldn't even contemplate getting a tree"... tricky...card, gifts with namesakes upon further stapling the loss making one feel "desperately sad [...and therefore...] emphasising what I am missing." Yes, a few tears have been shed for those we/I cannot have back, still. Grief has no limit. So the question was this 'What if you don't find comfort of joy this Christmas?' her response in short: "I am going to enjoy each joyful moment [...] I am going to live in the present", me too Victoria. Further advice: don't try to be too strong, it is sad and you miss them. It is appropriate to feel like this, especially at this time where there are grief triggers everywhere and much emphasis on family. Christmas will not be the same but it can still be full of JOY and this IS what your lost loved ones would want it to be. Thanks so much to Victoria Milligan and Love to those of you, that like myself, feel a little lost at Christmas. It's ok, there is joy, love and momentous laughter...after all I just ran past a flashing green lit-collared pug...X

Sometimes you just have to pull over and capture a golden path in the countyside that flickers so brilliantly. A stunning view on the drive home, all that glitters...may as well be gold to me. Gratitude...x

There is nothing more meditative than staring into the beautiful sea for me. On reflection of another near year it is good to acknowledge the depth of my learning and subsequent growth from experiences. I am stronger, wiser and able to appreciate everything that surrounds me more than ever. Life, death, love and loss, beauty and the horror in binary opposition to each other need each other to be present as do we. All part of the journey; that intricate tapestry. Above all the knowledge that love exists in everything, connects to everything and is the key to everything is a beautifully reassuring affirmation. May my motto be love emblazoned for all to see, yours too...x  

Today I received a positive result, more than one in fact. BRCA 1 and 2 negative. The relief was unsurmountable. Hugely significant reminder....The Gift of Life is never to be underestimated, sometimes you just have to focus on what is really important. The latter.  Grab that wonderful life passionately with both hands and Live it...X

'Seize from every moment it's unique novelty and do not prepare your joys' - Andre Gide

Ok, so it seems there is a lot of sadness for a lot of individuals at the moment. Struggles and situations that challenge to the near beyond is a message conveyed loud and clear. Love and empathy to you. So here is a photograph taken in my local town on a very dark day. Keep reading.The wooden bench I sat upon was soaked as I waited thirty minutes for a prearranged someone who 'sought advice'. No show. I hoped they were ok, safe at least, and rearranged my day. Then came the most brilliant spill of light, such a breathtakingly beautiful moment. I captured this as evidence to depict a viewpoint, mine. You have to experience the dark to appreciate the light. It is ok to feel sadness but you must also not forget there is so much joy out there too so be wary how much time you give to it. The mind is a powerful thing, master it. Negative thoughts serve to fuel the body with negativity and therefore illness so please, every so often kick negativity right up the ass and remember all of the things we have learned that do not serve us we CAN unlearn. Anticipate happiness and happiness is yours. Sending much love Loves...X

Oh stunning Winter sunshine after work and a refreshing wicked wind capable of blowing away the most persistent of cobwebs. A sign of change, crisp clean good change and a willingness to venture forwards. Near excitement. Glorious. I want to photograph everything.There are so many beautiful skies, cloud formations, waves, people, frames. All of these gifts, such a visual explosion of joy and love. In life, the everyday, I am so grateful for that mere glimpse of the landscape...the double rainbow this morning for instance, miraculous, spectacular and so momentary. So brief. So magic. The snapshot perfect waves, the wild wind playful and divine as it whips my hair around my face of many smiles. Being of the moment, seizing all of those wonderful things in that moment are key, I believe, to the soul and to enrich our lives. Love the now, love that magic that can never be repeated. You will never seen the same rainbow twice, the same sunrise or sunset. Live with eyes that open with the wonder of a child...x 

It's a love of light, reflection and a need to capture, not just with words but the moment...perhaps a dusting of Roland Barthes and maybe Sontag too. How I love and miss the discipline of writing, digesting and referencing such greats in essay form. I do however have a new camera... and a huge hunger to write...X

Daydreamer...X

Caught, captured, snapshot day dreaming, reflecting. This is one of my favourite pastimes, a near semi-awake meditative state. Clearly so much to think about. Another year, another set of lessons, knock backs and subsequent growth from latter devastation. Trees grow from mankind's worst decisions, permanence is not a given from pain. I am grateful for all I have needed to learn. More significantly I embrace the future. Remember stars cannot shine without darkness...x 

The ex appeared today unwarranted without warning at my place of work (suggested other business) in the form of limp-awkward, an apparition of past sat there on the wicker chair. This is the first time I have had the gross misfortune of being faced with it, by that 'it' I suggest a signifier of hurt, pain and grief rolled into flesh casing. I call this misfortune and yet I did awaken to the very real lack of feeling I now possess for this individual, sweet relief, with head bowed and buried in phone pretence. I felt nothing. Further, I now realise just how unattractive this person is. Forehead tilt, emblazoned with guilt-crease and false name to match, his intentions offered little of anything for another in that  selfish mission.  Today this message screamed true. He gave me nothing other than pain. Life was always about him. Everything in that life was always about him. Rescued in time, I have escaped. Intuition tells you when all you will become is damaged. I wish I listened to this gift we all possess earlier. I look to the notebook I carried at the time. Referenced three months in, to be precise, I wrote: "Big deep breaths and glide those eyes into the landscape. Allow whatever I have internalised, agonised over in the night to leave me. I must, this situation has the ability to destroy me and I cannot allow this again. Why though? Again? History repeating over, with intent... hurts me so much. I feel as though I should detach. I cannot live with his need to have both myself and 'it all', my only request being that he did not continue trawling the website of 'possibles'. So cruel, he rejoined the dating website, I discover this lie, he confesses at my discovery, I must detach. If there was any respect at all for either my heart or intellect; both even should one dare to ask, this would not be happening. Like grief thrice over with my parents loss prior to, like a scribbled sick triptych he kills me. One day someone will love just me, one day..." He never loved me and told me that after playing with my dear heart for a near year. He slept with someone else too. Trust your instincts no matter how much you think you can help someone. This individual begged me to stay once, even told me I had saved him. This I now realise was at my expense. Lucky escape, head up, you too if this relates to you. There is a better man or woman out there, we know this. Speaking for myself, he is beautiful...x     

Hello Monday...X

Hello Monday and gratitude for a gorgeous weekend of singing, laughter and love - for those great people in my life - thank-you. How different life is if you surround yourself with positivity and genuine folk who are simply happy just to be in your company...x

Beautiful things do happen...X

 After work, the most unexpected surprise in the form of ten beautiful red roses appeared on my car. I cannot tell you what a wonderful boost this was for me, but also to the surrounding people in the neighbourhood who clearly admired the gesture too. Made my day! A good friend has said to me on many occasions 'anticipate happiness and happiness is yours'. Happiness is mine and I anticipate more, may happiness be yours too...x 

  Love You Dad 
          Everyday I think of you
       Everyday I thank you
     Everyday I miss you
                                                             Everyday I laugh about something...
                                                            yes that only  you could have said...

Everyday your Love, humour and wisdom continue to drive me forward...you told me I must go forward and I will - My Beautiful Dad - Irreplaceable - X

Another beautiful day. The September sunshine brings with it yet more smiles and an appreciation for all. It would seem that beauty can also emerge from the darkest places. The last few years have provided me with untold agony of the deepest kind, relentless and cruel; at times I could absolutely see no way forward. What I want to say is, like many of you, I am no stranger to sufferance but I am coming out of the black that life, death and people can paint into your unsuspecting path. I, like you, if you know this dialogue, am stronger now than I have ever been. If you are unsure of your own strength believe me when I say you have it. I live with many tragedies but they no longer control me. I have cut off from all toxicity in my life that I shall never revisit. I live for the now. Please try to do the same. You deserve a beautiful life and to be universally loved, as do I...x    

Eternal gratitude for the wonderful friends I have in my life. So much wisdom and life-affirming goodness I am lucky enough to experience. No cake required as a sweetener for my coffee today, the compassion, laughter and love was sweet enough...love life...X

There is no 'ordinary day' unless you design it that way...X

Every single day be inspired by some form of beauty that you may see or feel, perhaps even hear. For me, the beautiful blue skies, birdsong, the incredible cloud formations filled will hearts or faces, even the smile of an innocent child with dimples today whose grin, at that moment, was purely for me provided such overwhelming joy and inspiration. I look to life with passion, love and gratitude. It's all there for you if you look...x

Be fearless, be a star...X

Yes what I would say to you today is derived from the advice given to me by a dear friend recently. Be fearless. Do not allow others to undermine, devalue or dim the beautiful light that you have to offer to this world. Others may well project their insecurities onto you in their own battle with their self, this is not acceptable, let this be known. For in the very valid words of William Blake: "He whose face gives no light, shall never become a star." Be a star, bright and fearless. x

Love yourself because you are beautiful...X

May you Love yourself so purely that no one will ever have the ability to remove Love from your heart again x.

....think less, 'be' more and remember a beautiful new beginning waits beyond every closed door...x

Regardless of the situation, keep your heart open and love...........................................always...x  

Lost in 'The Lost World of the London Coffee House' by Dr Matthew Green... savoring every word...x

'Can you imagine walking into a Starbucks, sitting down next to a stranger, and asking for the latest news? or slamming a book of poetry next to someone's coffee, demanding to know their critical opinion, before delivering your own in a big booming voice?' p 1

Thanks Joe for this shot today X

This is the face of bewilderment, true bewilderment. You can love a person, support a person, care for a person, offer them kindness, lift them from their past demise and they can still deeply hurt you. Fact. Note to self, I will no longer try to heal broken individuals at my own expense.  

The Photographer

There is a world outside the lens dear photographer whose eye pressed to squint to capture is all there is.
Your day, a hopeful moment wished for amidst the hapless. Squeeze and release, wait, impatience. Sift through the sheets, negative upon negative. So many negatives. A book of flat pressed 'not good enough' types. I sit amongst those. Black and white frames quite separate from the colour section. Catalogued. Your black and whiteness against my colour "Golden" you told me like the 'Wonder' song you played me. Separate. You cannot give more than awkward. Camera to camera, roll in roll out. Day in day out. Doubt kills, your indecision spills like the chemicals in your tray. If only you could see the beauty outside of that cold metal frame.  

"Beauty is in the way the eye chooses to see the world...there is always beauty".

'If your eye is pure, there will be sunshine in your soul. But if your eye is clouded with evil thoughts and desires, you are in deep spiritual darkness. And oh, how deep that darkness can be!' Matthew 6: 22-24

Bliss...X

Warm sun, blue sky, look up, sigh, breathe. Bliss is lying face up, being part of the beautiful bigger picture and ousting the all too familiar societal-closed singular. x

Smile...it's all part of life...x

"I no longer wish to turn the pages back - new narratives lie in the unwritten pages ahead..."

Blue...

Beautiful light today...

J'adore...

Reflections...less words...

It's been a while... more photography...

Hello...